1
00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:34,880
Bernard,
there's another solicitor's letter.

2
00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:37,320
Put it with the others.

3
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:46,280
Maybe you should read it.

4
00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:46,280
(SIGHS WEARILY)

5
00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:12,280
What is this?!

6
00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:17,840
Well,... the woman upstairs
wants £170 a month ground rent.

7
00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:20,280
She doesn't need any more money.

8
00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:25,200
She has all the blue hair and toffee
and pop socks a person could want.

9
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:29,160
There's nothing you can do.

10
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:29,160
Go and tell her... to stop.

11
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:32,640
Or we'll cut the brakes
on her StairMaster.

12
00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:37,320
Got no time. I'm setting up
for the festival of travel writing.

13
00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:42,600
What festival?

14
00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:42,600
The one you said Manny could have.

15
00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:42,600
I don't remember agreeing.

16
00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:46,640
Remember that night last week
you slept in a revolving door?

17
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:53,360
No.

18
00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:53,360
Remember when you ran out of tobacco
so you smoked your pubic hair?

19
00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:56,960
Not especially, no.

20
00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:56,960
It was in-between those two.

21
00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:00,600
I've had an idea for your event.

22
00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:07,880
Great.

23
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:07,880
Get everyone to vote
for what they think is
the most stylish city in Europe.

24
00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:12,320
Hm! (LAUGHS)

25
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:12,320
At the end of the week you could...

26
00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:16,120
Huh, huh-huh.

27
00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:16,120
What?

28
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:16,120
Oh, Europe!

29
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:18,120
You are funny, Fran.

30
00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:21,600
I hardly think your jaunts to Europe
count as travel.

31
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,680
Well, pardon me.

32
00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:26,160
This isn't a festival for tourists.

33
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:29,720
We've got an explorer coming in.
He's giving a talk.

34
00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:33,840
The legendary, famously charming
Jason Hamilton.

35
00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:36,040
Let's have a look, then.

36
00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:39,000
Every single blurb
says he's charming.

37
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,920
"I'm swept away on a wave of charm."

38
00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:46,040
"I was immolated in a firewall
of charm and charisma."

39
00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:51,920
"I almost exploded from the
concentration of charm on the page."

40
00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:54,160
I bet you I can open this anywhere

41
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:58,680
and I'll find this fop
posing on a Jeep looking smug.

42
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,680
Ha ha ha!

43
00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:05,440
Can I see?

44
00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,560
Oh, God! Look at him!

45
00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:12,600
That love-me smile. I know his sort.
A full-time approval junkie.

46
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:16,000
He's brilliant!
He's a giant in his field!

47
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:20,600
Manny, can I be the first
to say eeeeeuuuuurrrrrr!

48
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:24,720
You gonna scratch his name
on your pencil box?

49
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:32,560
Enough.
Manny, run me through this again.

50
00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:32,560
Right. Basically, there's
leaseholders and freeholders.

51
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:36,720
There's two types of leaseholder -
common-law leaseholder

52
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:42,000
and there's private leaseholders,
which are...

53
00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:42,000
Stop! Stop saying those words!

54
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,320
Give me that, I'm going upstairs.

55
00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:48,200
I'll deal with this
like I deal with everything here.

56
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,200
Everything!

57
00:03:56,320 --> 00:04:00,720
Hanley. Hanley, come out,
you bloodsucker. Hanley!

58
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:07,240
Miss Hanley is dead.

59
00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:07,240
Huh?

60
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,240
She died in the night.

61
00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:11,120
I don't care. I mean, how awful.
So you are the new owner.

62
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:16,040
I'm a solicitor. Miss Hanley left
this flat to Mr Benson. He's inside.

63
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:20,040
What did you want to query, Mr...?

64
00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,040
Black. I'll talk with him.

65
00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:24,760
I don't want legal fidgy-widgyness
upsetting natural justice.

66
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,760
Benson! Benson! Benson!

67
00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:30,080
Where is he? Benson!

68
00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:34,760
Mr Benson is in the bread bin.

69
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:34,760
I said no legal fidgy-widgyness.

70
00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:38,280
I want to see the owner,
I want to see them now, I want...

71
00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:40,760
(MEWS)

72
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:46,120
He sleeps there.
What do you want to say to him?

73
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,320
I'm not paying this.

74
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:54,280
If you don't, you'll go to prison.

75
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:54,280
I'm not talking to you.

76
00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:54,280
Fine.

77
00:04:54,280 --> 00:05:00,960
If that's all you've got to say,
I've got a meeting.

78
00:04:56,080 --> 00:05:00,960
Who with? A canary in Canary Wharf?
A fox with stocks?

79
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:06,000
You can't leave an animal here,
he'll go insane.

80
00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:06,000
It's Miss Hanley's will, it's law.

81
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:09,760
Yeah? Well, you don't intimidate me,
Miss... er...

82
00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:14,520
Purcell Harding Letouche MSc LLB...
MA DPhil... MBE,

83
00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:16,600
rowing blue, grade II listed.

84
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:27,480
Right. Er... Hair... loose, loose.

85
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,480
Free as the wind.

86
00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,480
Ponytail, ponytail?

87
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,480
Frizzled.

88
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:38,280
Oh.

89
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:38,280
Expecting someone?

90
00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:38,280
Might be.

91
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:45,120
It's that Jason thingy, isn't it?

92
00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:45,120
He said he might drop round
to see where he was doing his talk.

93
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:49,160
Let's have a sample, then.

94
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:49,160
Don't touch the display!

95
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,200
Manny, isn't it?

96
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:04,560
The shop that time forgot! I thought
I'd been to all the uncharted areas
of the globe!

97
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,840
This is great.
It's got bags of character.

98
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:11,880
(SIMPERS)

99
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,120
Uh huh huh huh huh.

100
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:17,160
Hello, Jason.
It's lovely to meet you.

101
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:21,640
I'm a great admirer of your work
and your life and...

102
00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:23,640
Hey, watch out! A crocodile!

103
00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:26,640
(LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)
Behind you, look!

104
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:30,480
It's not really, it's
an inflatable one I put up there.

105
00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:32,800
Just a little one.

106
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:36,040
(GIGGLES FRANTICALLY)

107
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:46,080
So! So, um, wh-wh-where are you
going on your next adventure?

108
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:48,280
I thought maybe Borneo.

109
00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:51,200
The real Borneo,
not the jungle nonsense.

110
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:57,400
I want to see the ice caves
under the jungle.

111
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:57,400
I tell you where you should go -
Venezuela.

112
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,600
Dear old Venny. Been there?

113
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,800
Oh, yes. I have, actually.

114
00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:05,320
I went kayaking in the swamps
of the Baracas.

115
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:09,920
Hm. Weird. North or south?

116
00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:09,920
North.

117
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,920
Very nice. The tourist swamps.

118
00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:13,600
I went to the south.
The south are the real swamps.

119
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:18,920
The northern ones are pretty swampy.

120
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,920
They're nothing.

121
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:22,760
So, Jason, this talk, erm...

122
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,720
How do you want to do it?

123
00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:29,800
Hi. How's it going there?

124
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,800
It's too soon to tell if I like it.

125
00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:35,680
Yeah. I know exactly what you mean.

126
00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:35,680
I won't find out if I keep
being interrupted, will I?

127
00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:45,400
Someone like you would love Magumbe.

128
00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:45,400
How can you know? I might hate it.

129
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:49,960
I don't think so. They all worship
a goddess remarkably like you.

130
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:55,280
A sort of panther woman.
Same pale skin, thick jet hair,
slumberous eyes.

131
00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:58,840
For a minute I thought
I was right back at the temple.

132
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:01,080
(GIGGLES COYLY)

133
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:18,480
Bernard. Can you explain to Fran
that I'm looking after Jason

134
00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:24,320
and he doesn't appreciate her
trying to flirt with him.

135
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:24,320
Shh!

136
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:24,320
↑ MIAOW

137
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:29,400
Hear that? He's up there mewing
in the nerve centre of his empire.

138
00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:32,160
A rent hike here, a tax dodge there.

139
00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:35,480
He sticks his leg in the air,
laughs his cat laugh

140
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:37,840
and dives back to grooming his balls.

141
00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:45,760
You can't hear that, surely?

142
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:45,760
I've heard enough. OK for you,
flouncing about after Captain Pants.

143
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:50,960
You don't know
what I go through with this cat.
I hate him! I hate all cats!

144
00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:55,240
Probably you're a dog person.
Why don't we get a dog for the shop?

145
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:59,000
I hardly think so. The one we have
doesn't do much for me.

146
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,400
We don't have a dog... Ooh! Ooh!

147
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:16,000
What's he like, then?
This overgrown schoolboy?

148
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:24,000
Nobody's told him Britain doesn't own
the world any more, obviously.

149
00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:24,000
Don't talk about Jason in that way.

150
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:24,000
He's magnificent.

151
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,520
I see he got to you pretty quick.

152
00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:31,040
Hey.

153
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:31,040
Jason!

154
00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,040
Hi, Jase!

155
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:34,840
Just thought I'd pop into
my favourite book emporium.

156
00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:37,360
Dr Black, I presume?

157
00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:41,640
You don't look like an explorer to me

158
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:46,600
You look like you've been exploring
luxury hotels for quite some time.

159
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:53,240
What did you write about that?
The Cote d'Azur, one man's struggle
with 100% Egyptian cotton sheets.

160
00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:56,000
Bernard, you got a fine shop here.

161
00:09:56,000 --> 00:10:02,040
You're not afraid
to say what you feel.
I'd like to shake you by the hand.

162
00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:15,400
Do sit down. There's my chair.
Do you want to sit in that?

163
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,400
Thanks.

164
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:21,080
You didn't even make him any tea!
Would you like some tea?

165
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:27,280
Wonderful. Thank you.

166
00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:27,280
I was going to make tea!

167
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:27,280
So was I!

168
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:27,280
It'll be ready in a minute.

169
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,720
Nice cups!

170
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,720
Biscuits!

171
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,680
Nice biscuits.

172
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:53,120
My biscuit.
Jason can have my biscuit.

173
00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,320
Aha!

174
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,320
Ah!

175
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:04,320
Oho!

176
00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,720
Aha! Oh!

177
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:29,400
The biscuit!
Jason's special biscuit!

178
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:32,040
Right! You thing!

179
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:35,520
That's it! Say goodbye, Mr Benson,

180
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:38,960
you have just pulled
the tinkly bell of death!

181
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:51,480
You had dust on your knees.

182
00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:51,480
Thank you, Fran.

183
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:56,800
All set for the talk?

184
00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:56,800
I am.

185
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,800
Everything all right?

186
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,800
Absolutely fine.

187
00:11:56,800 --> 00:12:02,400
There is one little thing.

188
00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:02,400
Yes?

189
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:02,400
Don't want to sound weird.
It's a small thing.

190
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:05,920
You are standing rather close.

191
00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:05,920
Oh!

192
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:12,560
Is this all right?

193
00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:12,560
That's a bit... No, that's fine.

194
00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:12,560
Excuse me. Are you Jason Hamilton?

195
00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:14,760
Get away from him!

196
00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:18,240
Can't you see
he doesn't want people crowding him?

197
00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:20,240
Just get out! You're barred!

198
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:22,920
So sorry, Jason.

199
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,560
Now, wanted to chat to you two.

200
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:32,920
I've got this trip to Borneo
for the next book.

201
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:38,360
It's more rewarding
if you have someone to journey with,
a companion.

202
00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:41,960
Now, Manny,
I know you've travelled a lot.

203
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,480
Isn't Fran the perfect companion?

204
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:51,120
But-But-But...

205
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:51,120
Fran, I don't expect you to say
yes or no straightaway.

206
00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,120
Yes!

207
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:55,800
No! You don't want this -
no offence, Fran - mopsy!

208
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:59,600
You need someone
with a few miles under their belt.

209
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:02,640
You need a... a man -
or a woman - but a man!

210
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:08,200
A seasoned traveller,
a man who's got a penknife
and emergency backup penknife.

211
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:12,080
Yeah. Maybe you underestimate
your friend, Manny.

212
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:16,520
Now, Fran, would you say
you had jungle experience,

213
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:20,400
bearing in mind
it could be handy on this trip?

214
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:25,080
Does Corfu count?

215
00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:25,080
You've been to Corfu?

216
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:28,600
Anything else?

217
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,600
I'm a trained field doctor.

218
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:33,400
And I can fix a Jeep in a hurricane.
And I can speak 32 African languages

219
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:38,640
Excellent.
Borneo is of course in Asia.

220
00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:38,640
Yes. Yes. 32 Asian languages.

221
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:43,160
Splendid. That's settled, then.
Manny, you're doing it again.

222
00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:57,920
So, let me guess. Mice.

223
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:04,200
No. Wait. You've got cockroaches.

224
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:04,200
Yeah, we do, but don't touch them.
It would upset the bat.

225
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,400
Listen.

226
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:09,480
I want you to deal with this...
thing.

227
00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:13,520
It's a really horrible thing,
I can't even really describe it.

228
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:17,200
Essentially it's a cat.

229
00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:17,200
Why not take him to the cattery?

230
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,720
No. Look - I want you... you know,
to, er...

231
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:22,720
(WHISTLES)

232
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:27,760
I want you to take care of business
with this cat, OK?

233
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:34,160
Can I make it any clearer than that?

234
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:34,160
You could, actually.

235
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:34,160
Well, OK.
He dies tonight, how about that?

236
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,320
No. I could never harm a cat.

237
00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:42,920
Come on, you're a pest guy,
you kill things for a living.

238
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,920
Not animals. Only vermin.

239
00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:49,280
I love animals. I'm trying to
save money to go to vet school.

240
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:49,280
Yeah, but, you know, it's one cat.

241
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,880
It's nothing. Bada bing, bada wiaow!

242
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:57,080
You disgust me. An innocent little
creature like that. Goodbye.

243
00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:59,280
A grand.

244
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,320
A thousand pounds. In cash.

245
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,320
You'd be out of this stuff.

246
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:07,880
Tomorrow you'd be giving an aardvark
a skin graft.

247
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,440
You wouldn't even like this cat.

248
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:14,840
Nobody does. He's a bully.
He sprays everywhere.

249
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:17,480
He's up there now
out of his mind on nip.

250
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,480
Nobody needs to know.

251
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:22,600
OK. Bring a bag and bleach

252
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:25,120
and three tins of Royal Miaow.

253
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:33,240
Fran.

254
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:34,880
Mm?

255
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:38,920
I'd like to have a word with you.
As a friend, you understand.

256
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,080
I think Jason... might want you

257
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:44,920
as something more than
just a travelling companion,

258
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,960
if you... follow me.

259
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:52,440
If you get my meaning.

260
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:55,920
If you... catch my drift.

261
00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:04,080
We might have to, due to cramped
conditions and surrounding dangers,

262
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:08,600
we'd have to... Oh, goodness!

263
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,600
Yes. Bunk up.

264
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,760
Together.

265
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:15,480
You know what that means?

266
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,480
I don't need to bring sleeping gear.

267
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:18,520
Too hot to hawk around
two shag bags. Thanks.

268
00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:22,880
Oh! You're just doing it for kicks!

269
00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:26,080
It's my one chance
to trek with my hero!

270
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,280
Oh, Manny.

271
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:33,560
It really does mean a lot to you,
doesn't it?

272
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:33,560
It was the point of me being born.

273
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,760
I know.

274
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,560
But he picked me!

275
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:50,400
Another canape, Jason?

276
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,400
Thanks. Can we make a start?

277
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,400
Oh! Right! Yes.

278
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:54,840
BUZZ OF CONVERSATION

279
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:58,440
So.

280
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:00,360
OK. Um...

281
00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:03,480
Welcome...

282
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:07,880
to Black Books.

283
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:13,560
And now,
who do we have for you today?

284
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:17,760
Someone who is
to travel and adventure...

285
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,120
but while he was waiting he got me!

286
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,960
Sorry, sorry. Got a mix-up there.

287
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,840
Wait, sorry.

288
00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:33,840
Er... Yes, then it was going
to be a joke and an anecdote.

289
00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:38,200
And another joke. Quite a good one,
actually, about rice.

290
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,680
OK. Right. So.

291
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:46,840
Without further ado,
please welcome Jason...

292
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:50,840
APPLAUSE

293
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:50,840
..Hamilton.

294
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:52,840
Thank you. Thanks.

295
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:55,160
It's a pleasure to be in London.

296
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:59,320
I've just come back from
an expedition to the Orinoco basin,

297
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:03,040
the only place you'll find
the bearded howler monkey.

298
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:08,400
Or so I thought,
until I came here, and met Manny.

299
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:12,800
(LAUGHS WEAKLY)

300
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:19,160
CRASHING

301
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:22,480
EERIE JUNGLE MUSIC

302
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:31,280
He's not here. I'm going home.

303
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:31,280
Wait, wait. Sit down.

304
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:43,440
He won't come. He knows.
Cats have got a sixth sense.

305
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:43,440
Shut up! Here.

306
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,680
He's a cat.

307
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:47,680
He doesn't have anything.

308
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,920
This won't work. They'll find out.

309
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:56,840
Relax. Just pop him when he comes in.
I'll take care of the body.

310
00:18:57,040 --> 00:19:02,560
What are you gonna do with it?

311
00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:02,560
Put a knife in his back
and leave him slumped over the desk.

312
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:04,760
Watch the flap.

313
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:08,520
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

314
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:12,400
Thanks. So, what about
the next trip? I'll be going to -

315
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,400
Fran, if you please -

316
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:19,920
Borneo, one of the last
great wildernesses on earth.

317
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:22,000
We'll be attempting to... Yeah?

318
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:26,960
Erm, yah, your books read like
imperialistic tracts.

319
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:31,720
Do you really think you can anatomise
a whole culture in a few pages?

320
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:38,120
What's your name?

321
00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:38,120
Bridget.

322
00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:38,120
Bridget, inevitably I write
from a Western perspective.

323
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:44,840
That's enough questions for now.

324
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:44,840
Stick around
and we'll talk it over after.

325
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:44,840
I'd love to! (GIGGLES)

326
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,480
(STILL GIGGLING)

327
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:53,080
For now, I'd like to show you all
the effects of mud erosion

328
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,760
on a primitive office block. Fran?

329
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,440
It never goes away, the guilt.

330
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:07,720
Mice in wedding dresses
appear in your dreams.

331
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:12,240
Whole families of roaches
stand there in silent accusation.

332
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:14,800
Would you shut up? He'll hear us.

333
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,800
MIAOWING

334
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,720
CAT FLAP SQUEAKS

335
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:31,560
Now, come on.

336
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,560
I can't!

337
00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:35,760
Come on! He wants you to shoot him!

338
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:40,680
What am I?

339
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,400
What have I become?

340
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:49,760
(SCREAMS)

341
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:54,400
CRASH

342
00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:57,880
(TUTS)

343
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,880
Here, kitty. Kitty, kitty.

344
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:07,000
And this, this...

345
00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:07,000
GUNSHOT, MIAOW

346
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:07,000
..is where

347
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,000
GUNSHOTS

348
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,000
Manny, can we do
something about the noise?

349
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:15,200
I'll sort it out.

350
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:15,200
Leave it to me, Jason!

351
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:15,200
I'm dealing with it, Manny.

352
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:15,200
I'll do it, Jason! Oop!

353
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,400
Me first! Me first!

354
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:21,720
Bernard!

355
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,000
MIAOW

356
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,000
GUNSHOT, GLASS BREAKS

357
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,520
Bernard, stop. Jason is annoyed.

358
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:29,760
Bugger Jason.

359
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:34,280
Actually, how is he?

360
00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:34,280
Come downstairs and apologise.
Right now!

361
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:36,800
OK!

362
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:40,920
He's not really, really mad at me,
is he?

363
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:53,840
(SIGHS) Look what you've done!
Didn't even get to find him a taxi.

364
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:57,800
Must have left a note for me.
We're leaving tomorrow.

365
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:05,520
Nobody move.

366
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:11,280
Bernard.
I think we should talk about this.

367
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:16,880
OK. Sure, we'll talk about it.

368
00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:16,880
Good.

369
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:16,880
Right after I kill the cat!

370
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:18,880
CLICKS, GUNSHOT

371
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:28,800
So, you admit you deliberately
stepped in front of the bullet.

372
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:34,440
Yes.

373
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:34,440
And wantonly sprayed blood
from your head all over the shop.

374
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:40,360
Before wasting time writhing around
on an emergency operating table.

375
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:43,760
Sign here. No wages for seven years.

376
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:47,560
If it wasn't for you,
that cat would be where he belongs -

377
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:49,800
in hell, being chased by giant mice.

378
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:54,480
I can't believe Jason went off with
that harpy. Have you read this?

379
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:58,520
"Sorry, Fran,
you didn't have enough experience."

380
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:03,240
"Never mind, I'm sure Bridget will
turn out to be very handy indeed."

381
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:08,480
I can't believe we fell for him,
Manny. Charm? Pfoof!

382
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:12,920
I saw through him straightaway.
I played along to confuse him.

383
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:21,000
Enough! Tea! Who's making the tea?

384
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:21,000
Make it yourself.

385
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:21,000
Yeah. I won't do anything
for anyone again.

386
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:24,880
I'm not thinking about Jason
or what he's doing now.

387
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:28,960
I've spent my whole time not
thinking about him since he left.

388
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:36,720
andlt; Oh, I wish I could have
a cup of tea.

389
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:36,720
Oh, for God's... Oh!

390
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:36,720
Make it yourself. Oh!

391
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:43,240
I'll get the tea!

392
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:43,240
No, I will. Right away, Jason...

393
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:43,240
(BOTH GIGGLE COYLY)

394
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:06,320
Intelfax Subtitles
ALEXA DALBY